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  • shedoudi


Updated: Oct 28, 2020

You can do the tough stuff and I know that for sure. 

We are all proving that to be the truth this year. 

The end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018 got real for me. I wasn't sure how it was going to look and it got super messy. My mom (my biggest cheerleader, my example of love, dedication and hard work) got diagnosed with liver cancer. I lived 3000 miles way but was on a mission to be by her side as much as I could. I got a therapist and I bought plane ticket after plane ticket. My then 7 y.o. and 3 y.o. came with me on some trips, along with my husband who was key in helping me balance their lives, our lives and everything going on. I felt like I was living in between worlds and I didn't know before this how tough I could really be but now wasn't the time to question that. I showed up, present ready to be in each place b/c there were no throw away moments at this point. I was either fully the mom or fully the daughter. 

Prior to this phase, I hated how long it took to fly back and forth from coast to coast. Now, I NEEDED the transition time. On the plane I would read, sleep, cry, write, meditate in no particular order and there were tears mixed in with all of it probably even sleeping. I had some playlists to keep me focused, they got me ready to feel, listen and be present so that I could really be effective in all of this. Oh the power of music! It was liberating to have such a laser focus. 

I come back to that time when I wonder if I can get through something and it obliterates the doubt.

About 9 months after my mom died my then 7 y.o. was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My husband saw that same determined look in my eyes when we had to decide who would stay with him in the hospital. There was no discussion, I was by Adam's side the entire time. I cry thinking about those feelings. The love and dedication are so clear.

I layed in that little bed next to Adam's hospital bed, feeling so ridiculously grateful that we were there for something so manageable. We knew what he had and how to treat it. I knew that I was one of the lucky parents sleeping there that night, one with answers, one with a clear solution. The staff felt like angels, people fully understood and worked with the power of love and dedication all the time. I thanked my mom for teaching me how to do this, how to be present, determined and dedicated. She taught me through her life and in her death. 

This year...2020, what the hell?! I know. It got a bit dark for me too but I know, you can do this, we can do this.  It is okay to ugly cry, to rage to wonder but I will tell you we are designed for the tough stuff, we grow through struggle and we must come together to help and support each other. That is our super human power. It is time to know for sure that we all have plenty power. It gets stronger when we come together and share it. It is stronger when we can turn toward and commit to bringing light into the shadows. The light comes from sharing our stories, letting those vulnerable moments soften and strengthen us. I am not here to tell you it is easy but I will remind you it is possible. It might be what allows struggle to be worthy of our continued effort. We get skilled at shining the light of those that we have loved especially when times feel dark and trying. Now is the time. Share your story, remember what has helped you to evolve. Savor the light because of the dark. We will meet in a place of courage and power to close out this year (and perhaps some of the prior years) that brought us to our knees. TOGETHER, we keep going.

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